A classic movie requires three things; nudity, chicks kissing and a bloody machete murder by a mysterious psycho in a mexican poncho and a tiki-mask. All in the first 5 minutes. A classic movie requires a recognizable star like Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman or whatever his name is. A classic movie maker knows that no scene should be without a scantily clad heroine. A classic movie should be funny with jokes you don't recognize until the third viewing and jokes you drunkenly shout out at the screen after only one viewing. "Goddamn Monkeys! " Club Dread is a classic movie. Brittany Daniel is a twin. Jordan Ladd is Cheryl "Not Farrah Fawcett, the other one " Ladd's daughter.

Many thumbs up, a must-see, highly recommended.

I wanted to hate this movie, really I did- TV actress from some dreadful Christian-family-oriented issue-of-the-week plod-fest that I'm proud to say I've never seen, produced by the master of substandard, Michael Bay, directed by a guy who's biggest accomplishment was the George Michael "Papa Was A Rolling Stone " video, it just had to be awful. I put on my sneering face-of-disgust and settled in to be displeased. Imagine my suprise. Jessica Biel is hot, and the rules were followed- tight t-shirt, running in tight-tshirt, wet tight t-shirt. The lighting was creepy, bodies get bundled in saran wrap, boyfriends get hung from meat-hooks, camera angles thru bullet holes, the choicest inbred hillbillies since Deliverance, and plenty of Jessica Biel. Three dismembered thumbs up.

Scarlett Johansson and that pimple-faced Ewan McGewen running away from evil badguys, and I can't stop thinking, "They cloned her for spare body parts and they didn't clone a couple extra? Is this the sort of pathetic third-rate evil badguy we have to look forward to in the future? " If I was an evil badguy with Scarlett Johansson cloning abilities, I'd have one in the kitchen, one in the garden, a couple as mattress-warmers (it is starting to get chilly at night), a Scarlett Johansson who answered the phone, one just for dealing with those annoying tax issues (what uptight bowtied revenuer would not wilt before her smile?), I'd even have a Scarlett Johansson who specialized in pushing the proper button on the remote control and one whose only task in life was to peel and feed me grapes.

I hate it when a movie insults my intelligence.

This movie has it all, sex, psychedelia, sex with angels, a sensational soundtrack by The Bob Crewe Generation, characters named Professor Ping and Dildano, sex with machines, Anita Pallenberg. Barbarella's space ship has wall-to-wall shag carpeting- on the walls! Why this movie was not considered for an Oscar is a mystery, possibly because of all the Italians. Favorite quote- "That's screaming. A good many dramatic moments begin with screaming." Without a doubt Jane Fonda's finest work. A classic.

Tom Cruise. Yuck. This movie should be called Dances With Ninjas. White people and modernization bad, samurai and the feudal system they supported good and noble. Utter crap. You have difficulty finding anyone who speaks english in Japan today, yet Cruise is constantly bumping into fluent speakers in 1876. Not to mention that all the japanese actors have perfect teeth. The battle scenes are stolen from Conan The Barbarian and Braveheart. The plot knew where it was going from the opening credit. The soundtrack is dismal. No nudity. I did not enjoy this movie. Thumbs down.

Michael Bay, the director of the original Bad Boys (which wasn't half bad), and The Rock, Armageddon and Pearl Harbor, does not disappoint, continuing his meteoric rise into major suck. No plot, no humour, no chemistry between the stars. Two hours in Will Smith and Martin Lawrence invade Cuba. With bazookas. Gabrielle Union is fun to look at but she was better in that horrible cheerleader flick. This movie is execrable.